Tim Timmons | Crawfordsville, IN

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May 7, 2021

3/8/2014 8:44:00 AM
Bubba has helpful solution

"Hey Timmons, did you hear the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down?"
What, no hokey operator line? No fake voice? Bubba's starting out with a question, although clearly a loaded one.
"No Bubba, I'll play your silly game. I did not hear the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down. What happened?"
"Dunno, but it damn near took out the whole trailer park!"
With that Bubba laughed and laughed. I waited. Drummed my fingers on the desk. Waiting.
"Bubba, I'm kind of busy here. What can I do for you?"
It took a few minutes for my favorite redneck to finally start breathing normally again.
"Well, me and the boys got us a million dollar idea."
The "boys" that Bubba mentioned include a colorful group that hangs out in a little bar called the Crawl-On-Inn out between Boxley, Omega and Elwood.
"We're going to sell the state of Indiana road fences."
Road fences?
"See, the thing is we've been watching all these ads on TV that say the state's got all this extra money that they don't know what to do with," Bubba explained. "The governor wants to give some of it back to us. The Speaker of the Place-"
"Never mind, go on."
"The Speaker guy says we need to be prunish about it."
I started to let him know he meant prudent but then thought, why?
"So me and the boys decided that there's way too many possums and 'coons and squirrels and rabbits lying dead on the road."
Road kill? Road fences? Oh Lord.
"Bubba, you're not really thinking about putting fences on the side of the road to hold back wildlife from running out and getting hit, are you? Please tell me you're not Bubba."
"Aw heck no, Timmons. Not all of 'em. We'd keep the fence two foot tall and that'd keep out most of the critters. We don't want to stop deer though. D'ja ever come up on a freshly hit deer? That's good meat for the freezer now."
I actually shuddered.
"Bubba, listen to me, you can't build a fence around roads. It's just not feasible. Think what it would cost!"
"Timmons, you got any idea how much money they got at the state? It's billions. And I've been reading all this stuff from the governor and his pals. I've seen ads on TV and you know one thing I figured out that nobody else is catching on?"
Bubba's voice lowered, as if he were telling me a secret. I was afraid to ask.
"First off, they got way too much money. I mean first off, it's our money, right? But the dead giveaway on this is that (and his voice dropped to a whisper) these are all Republicans."
"Timmons, this isn't Democrats and Republicans fighting, this is Republicans and Republicans. If that's not a sign they got too much of our money and too much of their time, I don't know what is."
"How tall did you say that fence would be?"

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